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Post by SherbrookeJacobite on Sept 11, 2003 12:38:31 GMT -6
King Edward of England, the self-styled hammer of the Scots, was invading Scotland with his army. Shortly after crossing the border, they came to a small hill, on top of which stood a wee sandy haired Scot.
"Hammer of the Scots are ye!" the wee Scot bellowed "I'll hammer ye! Come on ye English cowards, send me your best!
King Edward, annoyed at the audacity of the small man turned to his Captain and said "send ten men up there to teach the little Scottish $#@%$ a lesson". Dutifully and confidently, ten men trotted up the hill after the Scot, who by this time had disappeared out of site. As the men went over the top of the hill there arose a commotion, yelling and screaming. Very shortly the wee Scot reappeared at the top of the hill, hair a little messed, his plaid a little dirty
"I said send me your best ye English dogs!" he yelled "Ye aren't welcome in this country! Our women would be more than a match for ye!"
At this outburst, King Edward grew angry. "Captain" he yelled - send an officer, with 100 of your best men on horse, and kill that little guttersnipe!"
The mounted troop galloped up the hill. Once again the wee Scot slipped out of sight. As the horsemen went over the hill there was again yelling and screaming, dust floated up in the air, then ... silence.
Once again the wee Scot appeared. His hair was messed up, his face bloody, his plaid ripped and stained " Were they your best?!" he yelled "hammer of the Scots are ye? Ye couldn't hammer a flea! Come on! All of Ye! I'll teach ye what happens to English dogs who stray too far from home!"
Edward's face turned purple with rage "Captain!!!" he screamed to his commander, "take 1000 of my finest men - AND DON"T RETURN TILL HE IS DEAD!"
The English Officer shouted his orders, then charged towards the wee Scot on the hill, 1000 of England's finest at his heels.
At this sight, the wee Scot again turned and disappeared behind the crest of the hill. This bolstered the courage of the English knights who spurred their charges forward. They rode over the crest of the hill - again there was roaring and screaming, the clash of swords - the sound of men crying and begging for mercy reached the King's ears. In the midst of this, one Engish Knight appeared, beaten and bloody, crawling over the top of the hill.
"Majesty!" he cried "Run for it! Escape while you still can! Its a trap! There's two of them!
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Post by RHCameron on Oct 17, 2005 20:38:58 GMT -6
Must have been that Scotsman from the bar who had the fly in his beer, couldn't get the fly to spit out the beer it downed, so he had to take it out on some Englishmen...
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Post by ianjonefan on May 11, 2008 10:21:16 GMT -6
A scotsman went all over the world to learn how to make cheese. After years of study he went back to Scotland to start his own business which turned out to be very siccessful. Today you can find him at Brodick McIncheese's Cheese Factory
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Post by ianjonefan on May 14, 2008 19:47:53 GMT -6
Here's a story frae the time of Bonnie Prince Charlie. It's a story aboot twa braw lads of His Magisty's Lawlan' Regiment. Their names & ranks were Private Donny McAgee , & Private Roddy McGowk. Now these braw young sodjers had niver been outside of their home villiage. Their comander Major Nicky McCoppit had ordered Pvts. McAgee, & McGowk to the hielans' to invesigate rumours of strange noises , other unexplainable happenings. Now when thse twa braw sodjer lads finaly arrived in the hielans' It was in the deep of night , there was a Silvery moon , blanketed by clouuds as dark as a raven's wing. As they were in the midst of their nicht's march they heard a sound they've niver heard before. After twa flasks of whusky they charge to whaur the noise came frae. They drew their claymores , and defending their lives against sich a monsterous beast they celebrated their victory with another dram of whusky . Then as they wint further afield they quickly stopped for coming at them was something they've niver seen in all their lives. It was white , and everywhere they tried to turn these strange white flying things chased them whereever they wint. Finaly they had enough after drinking twa flasks whusky they slashed these flying monsters to pieces. The next morning McAgee , & McGowk wint oot to collect the slain monsters. Now the monster that made the strange noise was nathing but Mrs. McFarland's favorite milking coo , & the flying monsters were wee Fiona McKay's nappies.
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Carol
Dedicated Clansperson
Posts: 75
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Post by Carol on May 16, 2008 11:06:36 GMT -6
Hey Jon, I'm sure that we all have a "wee scot' person in our lives! Mine is my father's cousin in Salem, SD. She's not much bigger than a peanut, but she possesses a soul bigger than Scotland itself. Can't help but smile when I think of her. What a firecracker she is! Can't help but be thankful that she is a friend, and not my enemy! Thank you, to my Dad, for giving me such a person as she is to be a part of my life!
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Post by ianjonefan on May 17, 2008 17:53:04 GMT -6
An Englishman was attending his first highland Games in Scotland. When he returned to England a friend of his asked him how it was. The Englishmn replied DON'T EVER GET A SCOTSMAN MAD AT YOU!!! In a contest called cabor tossing they had a 7Ft. 350 pound Scotsman throw a cabor 5ft 6 inches, a 6ft 150 pound Scotsman throw his cabor only 2 Ft3 inches, Then there was one who was only 41/& 1/2 Ft.. who threw .the cabor 20 Ft 10 & 1/2 inches. Then there was the 35 lb Stone throw. A man by the name of Stuart McMillian dropped it on his foot, Clancy Campbell the next one up did a little better when he threw his stone it traveled 2 & 1/2 inches down the field. Now ther e was a little girl about no older than around 5yrs. old by the name of Margaret Mary (after the Queen of Scotland) Cameron picked up that stone in one hand , did her wind up and threw it down to fhe other end of the field. In the 50 lb. Stone throw she broke the record for the longest distance , and they still can't find the stone. Finaly in the bagpipe competition I would advise you to keep as far away as you can They are a CURSE!!! to decent Englishmen
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Post by ianjonefan on May 17, 2008 17:55:17 GMT -6
That should be 4 & 1/2 Ft.
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Post by houndofthearrows on May 18, 2008 9:29:33 GMT -6
Hello Jon, I love the stories you've been sharing with us. Are these original to you ? You do have a fine gift of story telling my friend.  I think it would be a cool little project to compile fun stories, poems, old folk tales, jokes, etc. that members of the Clan either penned themselves or just simply loved them and have passed them on to family and friends. Wouldn't that be neat a wee book a tales that have inspired and created smiles to the folk of Clan Cameron. Just a silly wee thought. Yours Aye, Sean |
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Post by ianjonefan on May 18, 2008 11:13:58 GMT -6
Sean,
What do you think of putting the best postings together for the Clan Cameron Gathering? Have the members vote on their favorite from each link suchas example Unite , Pipre's Place , & etc. What each member does is pick out their 3 top favorites from each one , then vote on the top one of each 3 postings of each link . Then put them in a booklet form , and donate it to the Clan Cameron Museum. I was just thinking it be a nice addition to the museum . I think that it help all Clan Cameron members feel that they are a part of a large far-flung family. I don't know if it will work out, like I said it was just a thought. By the way most of my recent postings are original , but if I get an idea for a dtory , or if it is something I've read , I'll try to give credit to the source.. You asked in your email to me not long ago if I've recievwd a copy of your newsletter. Did you mail it , or did you email it? if you mailed it I might get it Monday.
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Post by ianjonefan on May 18, 2008 20:20:46 GMT -6
A Irishman , Welshman , and a Scotsman was having a friendly drink at a local pub when through the door , and all full of bluster shouting I can out drink anyone in this room!!! came an Englishman. Now sometimes the Irish , Welsh , & Scots just tolerate each other , but when their celtic pride was insulted . they banded togrther to teach the Englishman a lesson. First the Irishman , and the Eglishman had a contest to see which one can drink the most pints of Guines, after 10 pints the Irishman passed out , then it was the Welshman's turn to teach the Englishman a lesson , after 5 bottles of ale the Welshman passed out , Now it was the Scotsman's turn , and they each started drinking the most expencive whisky in the pub . They kept at it for hours , but finaly theEnglishman ended up under the table, and the Scotman's parting words to the Englishman was nae Sasssenacht nae can not stand up to good hielan' whusky.
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Post by houndofthearrows on May 20, 2008 15:55:02 GMT -6
That sounds like a fantastic idea. That's along the same lines has I was thinking in reference to compiling a book of sorts.
Sean
P.S.
I sent you a PM in regards to the newsletter. I've sent it out twice so far. I also sent you an e-mail as well.
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Post by ianjonefan on May 21, 2008 22:05:56 GMT -6
Sean,
I guess it's true what people say , the celts in general whether they realizes it , or not are more aware of what's going on around them . Sometimes to the point of what sometimes another person is thinking. Such a example would be you're getting ready to call up a friend , and just before you dial his/her number , the other person on the line happens to be the one you were getting ready to call.
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Post by ianjonefan on May 22, 2008 7:58:36 GMT -6
To all the Camerons out there. I was going through the listings of the Cd that the ;OMHA PIPES & DRUMS : made , and I happened to notice the name of one of the drummers , are ready for this , his name is Cameron Cameron , that would be like if I live in Wales my name would be Evan Evan.
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Post by ianjonefan on May 23, 2008 14:45:40 GMT -6
A dark stormy nicht , nae licht's in the hoose , thump-thump-thump the beating of a heart , the cat yowled , a dog howled , an auld owl screeched ootside the window. The creaking doors , opening & closing , the moaning of the wind , the groaning of the steps of a heavy person going up the stairs , the bedroom dor opens , DADDY I WINT MUH WHUSTY!!!
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Post by ianjonefan on May 23, 2008 17:55:14 GMT -6
A dark stormy nicht , nae licht's in the hoose ,a cat yowled , a dog howled , the moaning of the wind as it rattles the shutters , the hooting of an auld owl ootside the window , the groaning steps of a heavy footed person as he climbs the stairs , the bedroom door creaks open , the thump- thump-thump of a beating heart gets louder ,a voice frae the darknes cries oot DADDY I WINT MUH WHUSKY!!!To all you Camshrons oot there wich is better?
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Post by Thomas Cameron on May 27, 2008 21:26:32 GMT -6
Jon,
As of this evening you are now the Administrator of the humor thread (An Camshron Cleasaiche).
Enjoy!
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Post by ianjonefan on May 28, 2008 15:10:03 GMT -6
Tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock , bong-bong-bong , the clock strickes 3:A. M . A door opens on it's rusty hinges , the hoose is verra' dark , footsteps creeping up the stairs , anither door slams shut , a nither door slams shut , a voice cries oot , Mama , Papa I'm hame!
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Post by ianjonefan on May 29, 2008 8:06:59 GMT -6
All ye Camshrons oot there make me proud ! send to me yer' favorite jokes & stories .
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Post by SherbrookeJacobite on Jun 4, 2008 14:05:58 GMT -6
A Scottish man walking through a field, sees a man dipping one hand into a
pool and drinking the water. The Scottish man shouts "Awa ye eijit, can yeh no tell that's foo o coos
keich". (Translation: Don't drink the water, it's full of cow dung.)
The man shouts back "I'm English, Speak English, I don't understand you".
The Scottish man shouts back "Use both hands, you'll get more in."
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Post by ianjonefan on Jun 4, 2008 15:41:30 GMT -6
There was this Scotsman who is a friend of Hugh cameron . The villiafe they live in everyone by their first name . Hugh told his friend that he needed to be in London for 3 monts , but if anything happens , Im need back come , & get me . The day came that Hugh was needed back home , so in keeping his promise to Hugh the Scotsman headed for London . When he finaly got to London , he asked the first Englishman he saw if he knew where Hugh was ?
Englishman Who?
Scotsman Hugh!
Englishman starting to feel a little hot under the collar WHO!!!?
Now the Scotsman was realy getting steamed up Hugh Cameron !!! ye bluidy assenacht !!!
Oh him he's in gaol for offending the propriaties of an Englishman , and speaking in a language no decent Englishman can understand . So in the darkof nicht Hugh's friend broke him out of the Tower of London , took him back home with him . They niver wint back to jolly auld London again
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I think it would be a cool little project to compile fun stories, poems, old folk tales, jokes, etc. that members of the Clan either penned themselves or just simply loved them and have passed them on to family and friends. Wouldn't that be neat a wee book a tales that have inspired and created smiles to the folk of Clan Cameron. Just a silly wee thought.