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Post by ianjonefan on Jun 4, 2008 15:45:16 GMT -6
OOPS that shoul be Sassenacct. I noticed theirs still a few bugs on the measarge center
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Post by gaelgal on Jun 4, 2008 20:20:15 GMT -6
Eewww about the drink of water for the Englishman! What fun that joke was!
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Post by ianjonefan on Jun 6, 2008 20:11:52 GMT -6
Thaks Thomas .
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Post by Thomas Cameron on Jun 6, 2008 21:20:33 GMT -6
My pleasure Jon - all frequent posters here in the Message Center have earned that wee photo!
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Post by ianjonefan on Jun 7, 2008 16:03:37 GMT -6
This story takes place 3 months before the Battle of Bannockburn.
An Englishman living in York heard that Robert the Bruce Sometimes visits the wee village of Thistleburn due to the abundant amount of thistles growing in the area . The villiage of Thistleburn just happens to lie across the border from York . Now in the villiage of Thistleburn lives a 5yr.auld wee lass by the name of Meghan : the Pagan : Cameron because of her gift of second sicht .So when the Englishman arrived at the villiage she already ken that he was a spy , and thought , I think I'll have a wee bit o' fun wi' him .Now the Englishman thought Scottish children like English chidren that any questions posed to them by an adult , they were to answer the question no matter what , but that will not be the case as he finds oot later in the story . Now as the Englishman walked further intae the villaage he saw that even though she's only 5 yrs. auld he noticed children twice , & thrice her age take orders frae her. As Meghan stepped oot of her group of friends she told them to keep on playing as she'll she'll take care o' this Sassenacht hersel' As she waited for the Englishman to get nearer she was already planing the differentways to have her fun wi'him . When the Englishman finaly caught up to Meghan he asked her if she knew anything about Robert the Bruce . She told him to meet her ootside the villiage ,and she'll tell him what he wanted to ken . The Englishman was thinking what a buch of sheep these Scots & their children are King Edward shouldnae have any trouble clearing away these @#&^*" vermin for the good of all England .So Meghan , & the Englishman finaly met each ither ootside the villiage . She told him that Robert the Bruce was going to hve a meeting , and she could guide him to a spot overlooking the meetig place where he could spy on Robert the Bruce wi oot ' gettin' caught , but to make sure he reached the spot safely he had to be blindfolded & tied up .Not suspecting any tricks frae a merre child he agreed to her terms . First Meghan led him through a foul , muddy moor , then a field so thick wi' thistles , the Englishman was scratched on every piece of bare skin on him . Finaly they reached the spot where the" mmeetin' " was to be takin' place .Meghan led him to his hidin' place , told him to keep quiet a , and she'll be back after o' bit of checking thing oot .What she realy was doin' makin' sure the trap is about ready to be sprung , for prior to all o' this she sent her friends to the "meetin' " place , and to be ready for her signal . She made them promise not to hurt him too much , just more to put a' bit o' a scare in him . Now the "meetin ' " place was in a verra" dark place and it was the middle o' the nicht , there wasn't much moonlicht ither , what licht there was , was just enough to see shadows by . Meghan wint back to the Sassenacht , and apoligised for taking too lang in checking things oot , but she had good news for him for she saw Robert the Bruce , and his men coming down the road . She told him to get ready to hide in the spot they had picked oot as she untied him , and took the blindfold off him . After about 5minutes she left him . Soon there after the Englishman heard bagpipes , screaming , shouting , & yelling . Now living in York he ken a wee bit o' gaelic , but nae much , but what he was able to understand chilled him to the bone . So he hit the panic button , and started running , as boys , & girls in strange garb came streaming oot of the shadows . There were so many o' them it was a flood , and leading them was Meghan Cameron . They chased him all the way to the border and stopped , but the Sassenacht kept runing as fast as he could . Gasping for breath he told the people o' York not to involve themselves in the coming battle between King Edward , & Robert the Bruce should be their fight , not oors an' if any of ye' mak' the same stupid blunder as I did may the Lord have pity on ye because those little #@%^&*" MONSTERS!! they call children are worse than there elders .
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Post by ianjonefan on Jun 13, 2008 5:57:15 GMT -6
Can anyone help me out here , I can't rember where I had put the story about Alexander , Caitlin , Maggie Cameron , & Polly Cankerberry ? i'm working on a new story involving Alexander , Caitlin , & Maggie .
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Post by ianjonefan on Jun 13, 2008 18:14:09 GMT -6
It was after . Ill try to redo it , and eend it to you . I've also e-mail you a couple of stories from 2006 that I think you might like .Especaily othe one about our Irish " cousins " .
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Post by ianjonefan on Jun 15, 2008 16:24:49 GMT -6
Just wondering , if I come across a story involving our " Celtic Cousins , the Irish & Welsh " will it be o'kay to post it on the nessage board , or is it just for Scottish jokes , and stories only . The reasoson I'm asking I've came across , an old Irhish Wedding Story I wrote back in 2006 that I think members of the board will like .
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Post by gaelgal on Jun 15, 2008 17:11:01 GMT -6
Jon, I sent you a personal message.  |
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Post by ianjonefan on Jun 15, 2008 21:36:36 GMT -6
Since my stories have been on the dark side , maybe this riddle will lighten the mood , but a little background so you'll get the point of the answer . When I was looking up Scottish folklore on the internet around last years Halloween it was pointed out that Dlack Cats were considered lucky for the Scots . So with that in mind ,here's a riddel for you . Why do the Scottish keep Black Cats around their house ?
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Post by ianjonefan on Jun 15, 2008 21:47:07 GMT -6
Answer : To keep the English away from their door. If any of you other members have any riddels , knock-knock jokes , & etc . Please share them with us . Right now I'm a little dry in the story department , and I hope this riddel will make up for it . Again please send us your favorite knock-knock jokes , & riddels .
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Post by gaelgal on Jun 15, 2008 22:10:57 GMT -6
Old Tam, who had lost all his teeth, had a visit from the minister who noted that Tam had a bowl of almonds. "My brother gave me those, but I don't want them, you can have them" said Old Tam. The minister tucked into them and the said "That was a funny present to give a man with no teeth." To which Old Tam replied "Not really, they had chocolate on them..."
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Post by ianjonefan on Jun 17, 2008 18:55:08 GMT -6
This story is about how Hugh " Hughie " Cameron became a special operations officer for Scotland Yard , but first a little background > When Hugh was born he was verra' small , he was only 10 inches and weighed 1 / 3 rd of a stone , a stone is about 14 lbs. . When he grew up , he turned into a braw strapping young laddie , 20 stones & 7.5 feet tall . Now "Wee " Hughie live in a wee villiage ,it's so small it wasn't even placed on the map . Now the name of the villiage was Hugh Cameron , and everone male in the villiage was named Hugh Cameron which made it verra' confusing . So to make sure people wanted to talk to the right Hugh Cameron , they added the ocupation of the Hugh cameron they wanted to speak to . There was Hugh Cameron the Barber , Hugh Cameron the Baker , and Hugh Cameron the Undertaker , & etc. Now Scotland yard had an warrent out for " Wee Hughie " for some minor trouble in London . When they arrive at the villiage of Hugh Cameron , they were dumbstruck at the size of " Wee " Hughie . They knew right then tey will not be able to put handcuffs on him . What they didn't realize was that " Wee " Hughie was the most gentle of souls . He agreed to go back to London with the officers from Scotland Yard , and not cause any trouble . It was while on the way to London Huie , and the officers somehow got seperated . So they each went on their seperate ways to London . Now Hughie along with his large size has verra ' good hearing , and when he speaks in a whisper , its sounds like you're standing behind a 747 . Because his hearing was exceptionly good , he was able to the the officers from Scotland Yard shouting for help . They were set upon by a gang of Ten men who were considered extremely dangerious by Scotland Yard. Hughie ask the gang what's going on ? Right then the gang fell to the ground begging for mercy as " Wee " Hughie was speaking to them in his normal voice . Because " Wee " Hughie saved the lives of Scotland Yard's Two finest officers , Scotland Yard made " Wee " Hughie a special officer . So wheneve there was a bit o' trouble that only " Wee "an handle they sent him to where the trouble was . His only orsers were just talk to the person , or persons that was causing the trouble . I bet you can imagine what happens after " Wee " Hughie talks to someone . Can't You ?
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Post by ianjonefan on Jun 18, 2008 4:46:04 GMT -6
To those who are wondering about some of my " dark" stories , I guess it was that I was under the inflience of reading too may Robert Louis Stevenson Stories . For those that like those types of stories , drop me a PM , and I'll send back some " dark " stories to ye .
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Post by ianjonefan on Jun 18, 2008 17:19:00 GMT -6
What's the difference between a Scottish Woman , and a English Woman ?
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Post by ianjonefan on Jun 18, 2008 17:23:33 GMT -6
A Scottish Woman doesen't take guff from anyone . While an English Woman will say yes dear , whatever you say dear , & etc.
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Post by gaelgal on Jun 18, 2008 20:22:25 GMT -6
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Post by gaelgal on Jun 18, 2008 20:23:03 GMT -6
Why do they put braille on the drive-through bank machines?
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Post by SherbrookeJacobite on Jun 20, 2008 23:50:12 GMT -6
A Scottish Woman doesen't take guff from anyone . While an English Woman will say yes dear , whatever you say dear , & etc. And I had to marry a MacDonald.......  |
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Post by SherbrookeJacobite on Jun 20, 2008 23:58:35 GMT -6
Many of you know that I live in Alberta, Canada. When I first moved here, it was explained to me that when I went fishing in the mountains, I needed to be careful of the bears. They said that I should always wear a bell, and carry pepper spray. they went on to explain that there are two types of bears here, the reclusive, shy and not very dangerous black bear and the larger, more aggresive and very dangerous grizzly bear.
My helpful friend told me how to tell which types of bears were around. They said to look for the droppings. Black bear droppings, they explained, were not too large, and you could see in it seeds, bits of feather, fur and small bones. Grizzly bear droppings on the other hand were quite a bit larger and contained bells and smelled of pepper spray.......
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