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Post by gaelgal on Jun 21, 2008 4:33:56 GMT -6
A Scottish Woman doesen't take guff from anyone . While an English Woman will say yes dear , whatever you say dear , & etc. Guess that explains it then! |
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Post by gaelgal on Jun 21, 2008 4:37:07 GMT -6
I wrote a post that didn't post... hmmm... John, how appropriate for the person who started this thread to post something so "short, clean, and funny" ~ thank you for the laugh! I was not expecting that ending at all!
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Post by gaelgal on Jun 21, 2008 4:40:21 GMT -6
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked or both?
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Post by ianjonefan on Jun 21, 2008 15:33:39 GMT -6
Did the turtle forget to pay his insurance premeuim ?
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Post by ianjonefan on Jun 26, 2008 19:30:23 GMT -6
Sometimes I send both regular e-mails & post something on the message board , and visa versa . I don't know if I posted this , or not , but when I was looking up Scottih Folklore during Halloween , on the subject of Black Cats , it was believed that if a person is Scottish , the cat will bring good luck to them .Which brings me to a riddle . Why do the Scots keep Black Cats in ther homes >
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Post by ianjonefan on Jun 26, 2008 19:31:29 GMT -6
So they will not be bothered by the English .
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Post by ianjonefan on Jul 3, 2008 14:02:18 GMT -6
A Scotsman fell sick while he was in London . Noone couldn't figure out what was wrong with him . So they called in some specialists . One was English , one was Irish , and one was Scottish . Firt the English doctor said I have the perfect medicine for him . So the Scotsman took it , but instead of making him better they had to call in the minister for last rites , now the family was getting a little desperate they asked the Irish doctor to try , and save him so the Irish doctor prescribed a pint of Guiness . It did make the Scotsman a little bit better , but still it didn't quite make him fell like himself . Now the family was really getting desperate so they asked the Scottish doctor to try to save their grandfather . So the Scottish doctor told everyone to leave as he was going to try his special medicine . As soon as the family left the room they heard shouting , where's my clothes where's my clothes , someone answer me where are my clothes !!! The family rushed in the room seeing their grandfather healthy , and fit to be tied because he was in a hospital room , and he hated hostipals with a passion . The family asked the doctor what did he give their grandfather to make him well . The doctor replied I gave him the water of life . The family asked him to tell them how to get more if their grandfather ever gets sick again . The doctor said give him some whiskey , and he'll be as good as new ,.
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Post by gaelgal on Jul 3, 2008 19:01:19 GMT -6
Now you must explain why whiskey would be the answer to saving his life!  |
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Post by ianjonefan on Jul 4, 2008 4:57:30 GMT -6
Because a strong dose of whiskey will kill any " bugs , germs , or whatever " that made him sick in the first place . It even flushed out the medicine the English doctor gave him .
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Post by gaelgal on Jul 4, 2008 6:54:41 GMT -6
Ah, I thought it was because it was the "water of life"... |
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Post by cameroning on Jul 4, 2008 13:58:25 GMT -6
;D ;D
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Post by ianjonefan on Jul 4, 2008 14:39:39 GMT -6
I'm not certain , but isn't whiskey in Gaelic means water of life . Correct me if I'm wrong .
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Post by ianjonefan on Jul 5, 2008 13:01:55 GMT -6
A story about Fiona , and Rory Cameron with their friend Nessie on how they became friends with a couple of English lads .
The family of Fiona , and Rory Cameron lived for generations along Loch Ness , and over the centuries Nessie had appeared to some members of the family , but not to other members of the family as she had a knack for knowing which member had a pure heart , which member needed to be taught a lesson , and which ones will never learn . Now Fiona , and Rory were very strong swimmers ( you have to be ) if you're going to swim in Loch Ness . They've both been swimming in the loch for years , and haven't seen any signs of Nessie . Until one day they had some trouble while swimming in the loch . Finaly Rory made it to shore , but Fiona was still in desperate trouble , and Rory wasn't able to do anything to help her . Just at the point of drowning Fiona found herself be lifted out of the water , and found herself on Nessie's back . Nessie carried her to shore , and looked at both Fiona , and Rory in the eyes . Some how they both knew that Nessie was speaking to them . Not in words , but through that's so old that only a few still have this ability to speak in this fashion . What Nessie told them that if they want to still keep swimming in Loch Ness she will teach them how to do so . So they will not run into trouble again , but they absolutely have to do as she told them . Without hesitation both Fiona , and Rory agreed to her terms . They both got so good that Nessie told them in her own way that they can now swim in the loch . After teachin g Fiona , and Rory about swimming in the loch she left them , but she got lonely so she came back , and starting swimming with Fiona , and Rory . About then other kids along the loch had heard of Nessie swimming with Fiona , and Rory . So the leader of the other kids went to fiona , and rory if Nessie would also let them swim with her .After Nessie had given her permission she laid down the same rules that she gave Fiona , and Rory . She also told the other kids that if she wasn't around they ABSOLUTELY have to do what Fiona , and Rory told them . Most of the other kids agreed to do so , but their were a couple that thought they could do anything they wanted . Fiona , Rory , and Nessie set them straight right away , and they never came back . Now here's where the Two English lads enter into the story . Reginald Thornbury , and Rudolf Shankssmith were the best of friends , but they were completely opposite of each other . Reginald grew up in a "scientific " enviroment where everything can be explained by using scientific means . While Rudolf had a more open mind knowing some things can not be explained by science . Reginald's father is a professor at Cambridge , and his uncle happens to be a professor at Oxford . Reginald's father , and uncle invited both he , & Rudolf to go to Loch Ness to prove that Nessie wasn't real . When they all finaly reached Loch Ness they settled in for the night . While Reginald's ( Reggie ) father , and uncle were getting their equipmen set up he , and Rudolf ( Rudie ) went exploring along the loch . They heard some voices , and some waterr splashing so they went to see where the noise was coming from . When they reached a spot where they could see what was going on they saw Fiona , Rory , and their friends swimming in the loch . Unknown to them they were also being watched by Nessie . About then Fiona saw Reggie , & Rudie on the shore . Now another thing Nessie taught them was to ge nice to visitors . So Fiona swam to shore and asked them what they were doing at Loch Ness , and Reggie replied in the grave tone of a scientist that his father , and uncle was going to prove that Nessie was a fake . Fiona couldn't help it she jut burst out laughing . At what he thought was implied insult to his father , and uncle Reggie started getting hot under the collar , stamping , his feet , and even hitting Fiona even if she was a girl . Just before things started getting out of hand Reggie's father , and uncle showed up , and told Reggie that these Scottish children didn't know any better . Now Fiona had a good heart , but after hearing Reggie's father speak she had a hard time to keep from laughing again , but she managed to supreed the urge . To make amends she invited Reggie , and Rudie to swim eith them . Now while all this was going on the couple that Nessie threw out of the group came back looking to start some trouble . First they had stolen a boat then afterlauching it into the loch they rowed it to where Fiona , Rory , and soe of their friends were swimming with Reggie & Rudie .These trouble makers name were Hector , and Herb . When they got the boat close to Reggie Hector grabbed Reggie and pulled him into the boat. Right then Reggie started yelling his head off , and Hector told him he could yell all he wanted too because noone will be able to save him after he gets done with him . While back on the shore when all this was going on Reggie's father , and uncle had just showed up . Upon seeing that Reggie was in trouble they both started runing up ,and down the shore of the loch , waving their arems and shouting to no effect it was then that Nessie took matters into her own hands so- to - speak . Loch Ness is dark , and murky that Hector , and Herb didn't see Nessie sneak under the boat they had stolen . Nesie flipped the boat over rescued Reggie , carried him to shore , went back to pick up Hector , and Herb who by that time were tired out trying tostay afloat . By the time Nessie finished carring Hector , and Herb to shore the police were waiting for them . Because of Nessie's saving of Reggie's life , both Reggie's father , and uncle gave up on trying to prove nessie was a fake , and because they were bothrespected scientists that anything Hector , and Herb said about Nessie attacking them they put it down to shock when their boat somehow got overturned . Because of this Reggie , Rudie , Fiona , Rory , became the best of friends along with other special friends of Nessie .
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Post by SherbrookeJacobite on Jul 10, 2008 21:19:51 GMT -6
Hi Jon,
Whisky (no "e") - in Gaelic is uisge-beatha, which means water of life.
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Post by ianjonefan on Jul 10, 2008 21:28:01 GMT -6
I thought so .
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Post by gaelgal on Jul 10, 2008 21:49:16 GMT -6
I read somewhere that whisky without the "e" is the Scottish spelling and with the "e" is the Irish spelling, and that the two beverages do not taste the same. Not being a drinker, I was not sure.
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Post by ianjonefan on Jul 17, 2008 19:53:19 GMT -6
A British Revenue officer was going through the Highlands , and Islands of Scotland looking for illeagle whisky stills . When he came upon a Scotsman's croft , there was a still as plain as day . Is that whiskey I smell ? He asked the Scotsman . The Scotsman replied that he was making uisge - betha . What's that ? He asked the Scotsman . It means the water -of - life he replied. Thinking he had a real troublemaker on his hands . The revenue agent hauled the Scotsman to the local judge. At the tial the judge told the revenue agent that if he could prove that the Scotsman was making whisky instead of uisge-betha as he claimed . He would send him to gaol , but the only way he could do that was to drink it . Now as it turned out the revenue never had a drink in all his life . So after a few drams the revenue agent declared that what he was drinking was not whisky , but uisge - betha , and asked the judge to pardon him for having to cause the Scotsman so much trouble . To show that he didn't harbor any ill feelings tword the English Revenue agent the Scotsman gave him one of his best bottles , but told him to hide it when he got back to London as there will be those who will give their eyeteeth to have a sip of it and to this day when he he gets a wee little prouty he takes a sip of his uisge- betha and starts feeling better again .
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Post by ianjonefan on Jul 18, 2008 15:10:55 GMT -6
Anyone catch the show last night at 7:00 pm on CBS ? There was a contest for All American Dog . On the Today show this morning they had the All American Dog on the program . A SCOTTIE was chosen as an All American Dog . Hooray for the Scots . Does anyone have more detail about the show , and how the Scottie was chosen bto be an All American Dog?
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Post by ianjonefan on Oct 31, 2008 15:29:00 GMT -6
Halloween joke for lads , and lassies . Why was Freank Instine called Cranky Franky ?
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Post by ianjonefan on Oct 31, 2008 15:37:02 GMT -6
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